Mirror image
by tierneymacbeth
Summary: Abby befriends a young girl, who is very similar to Abby. But could it all go wrong? Eventually CARBY!
1. Default Chapter

Abby groaned slightly leaning her forehead against the admin desk she glanced across at Jerry who was eating some sort of burger and watching her with a bemused expression on his face.

"Jerry....?"

"I just love watching new interns on their first days as doctors; it's like watching Bambi on ice".

"Hey Abby, Abby", a voice prompted Abby to turn around and she came face to face with Chuny.

"Sorry, Dr Lockhart I should say now"

"No, no it's still Abby to you I haven't forgotten what it's like to be a nurse yet".

"Ok well there's a lady in curtain one needing stitches, I thought you should come take a look at her". Abby threw back her head slightly and thought to herself why me I was off twenty minutes ago she could of chosen anyone else. Abby turned to look at Jerry as she walked towards curtain one and screwed up her face. He chuckled slightly and carried on eating his burger ignoring the patients building up in the waiting area.

Abby opened the curtain to see a lady sitting on the bed with her hand pressed against her forehead, in her grasp was a blood soaked cloth which proved to be poor substitute as blood trickled down her arm. She was breathing heavily muttering away to herself as if she was in distress. Abby held back for a moment as she recognised some familiar symptoms, but shaking them away she approached the lady.

"Hi Mrs McNeil, I'm Dr Lockhart, what happened to your head", Abby said picking up the chart which lay next to the gurney.

"What happened, what happened this bitch just attacked me out of nowhere I-I-I need something to stop the bleeding, I can't stop the bleeding".

"It says here you had an argument with another woman in which you hit your head off a side of a table was it?"

"Yeah and the woman was my history teacher".

The voice behind Abby prompted her to turn around, stood in front of her was a young girl, who looked around about the age of fourteen. Her blonde hair, similar colour to Abby's was pulled into a half pony tail which fell down her back. The girl's eyes a brilliant blue looked weary and tired at Abby, and Abby felt she had been in this situation before.

"And you are?"

"My name is Ashley and you are?" the girl mocked Abby cheekily with a bemused expression on her face.

"My name is Dr Lockhart, are you related to my patient" Abby gestured towards the bed. Ashley rolled her eyes to the ceiling

"Yeah, your patient is my mother".

Abby turned back towards the bed, seeing Ashley's mum was in a similar state she told her that she would go fetch a suture kit.

"Hey, excuse me", Ashley followed Abby out of the curtain and caught up with her.

"Uhmm while we're here she needs more medication, she ran out ages ago and refused to go to her doctor and ask for more".

"Right she's bipolar"

"Yeah how did you know that?" Ashley tilted her head and looked at Abby

"Oh let's just say I'm very good at recognising the symptoms, how long has she been bipolar?"

Ashley looked at her feet awkwardly, "Ever since I can remember".

"Ok don't worry I'll sort something out for her". Abby turned away again but Ashley stopped her.

"Sorry what's your name again?"

"It's Dr Lockhart but feel free to call me Abby"

"Okay thanks Abby". Ashley's face lit up and she grinned at her.

Abby went back into curtain one and cleaned up Mrs McNeil's head which required seven stitches as the cut was pretty deep. Ashley sat patiently beside her ignoring her mother's cries.

"I'm just going to get some coffee or something", Ashley stood up suddenly bored.

"Okay I'm just about done"

Abby finished up and discharged her expecting her to wait for Ashley while she went and fetched the required medication. When she returned curtain one was deserted.

"Hey Jerry have you seen my patient"

"What your good-looking blonde lady in curtain one"

"Yeah"

"Oh she just left a minute ago"

Abby lent back on the desk, exasperated by the fact she hadn't managed to give her the medication.

"Hey where's my mum"

Abby saw Ashley standing alone next to curtain one with a burning cup of coffee in her hands.

"She just left I thought you were with her". Abby watched as her face fell and eyes narrowed to the ground.

"No, she just left me!"


	2. I really appreciate it

"Hey, I'm nearly done do you want to hang around for five minutes or so and I can walk you home or something, where about do you live?"

"No its fine I can get home by myself I'm used to it"

"Where do you live?" Abby repeated the question slightly worried about her safety.

"On Madison Street, the ninth building".

"Really that's where I live? I'm on the second floor"

Ashley's face brightened up slightly, "That's weird I've never seen you before we stay on the third floor".

"Yeah but my shifts are so irregular I'm usually about during the night and sleeping during the day so I'm not really surprised. Sometimes I feel like a walking zombie you know like in the movies".

This prompted a smile from Ashley and she giggled at the thought of Abby as a zombie.

"Okay sweetie give me 10 minutes tops and we'll walk home okay?"

Ashley nodded her head and watched as Abby finished up her charts. 10 minutes went by and as promised Abby was ready to go. The bitterly cold Chicago night enveloped them as they passed through the automatic doors. Ashley shivered and rapped her arms around her body.

"Are you cold, I think I have an extra hat in here somewhere", Abby rummaged around in her rucksack and pulled out a fluffy white hat. Ashley gratefully accepted it.

"Are you sure you don't want to wear it?"

"No no it's fine, you need it more and besides I think it suits you better".

Abby stood back admiring the hat and Ashley seeing this, struck a pose and stuck her tongue out cheekily. Abby laughed and then remembered something.

"I almost forgot here's the medication you asked for, well the prescription you need your mum to collect it". Abby placed the slip into Ashley's hand and she stuffed it into her jacket pocket.

"I don't know where she is or when she'll be back", Ashley laughed slightly and scuffed her feet along the ground.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No its just me and her, my dad left just after I was born so I've been stuck with this all my life"

"What's the worst it's ever been?" Abby asked curious to see if her experiences matched her own.

"I don't know every time is different. Today was pretty embarrassing! It was parent teacher day at my school and I tried to prevent her from finding out but the school phoned to make sure she was coming. So we're talking to my history teacher and she starts to ask why I've been missing so many classes and my mums oblivious to the fact it's because of her. She started yelling at my teacher and then ran over and smacked her head off a table. Of course she then starts yelling and cursing saying that my teacher attacked her I literally had to drag her out of there and into your hospital. School tomorrows going to be fun!"

Abby draped an arm over Ashley's and gave her a small reassuring squeeze.

"I would tell you that it gets better but I don't want to give you false hope and it's not for you to decide it's their responsibility, whether they stay on their medication or not it's up to them."

Ashley looked up at Abby in confusion, "Who's them?"

"No one... it doesn't matter"

"No tell me I'm curious to know why you have so much knowledge about all this"

Abby paused at the corner of the street, and looked across the road.

"You hungry? I'm starving let's go get something to eat".

"I don't have any money", Ashley muttered quietly

"Oh well you can owe me seeing we're neighbours, and besides I know where you live", Abby dropped her voice with the last comment which prompted another giggle from Ashley.

"Ok I'll eat with you only if you promise to talk to me about who 'they' are"

"Ok it's a deal"

"Can I please have a diet coke and the 'Sundan special'", Abby handed her menu back to the waiter who smiled at her warmly. A giggle emerged from Ashley's mouth and she tried to smother it with her hand.

"I'll just have the same please", Ashley handed her menu over and looked at Abby with a cheeky grin. As the young waiter walked away, he turned around and winked at both of them.

"What was that giggle all about madam?"

Ashley fluttered her eyelids and pouted her lips impersonating Abby.

"I wasn't flirting with him!" protested Abby, "He's probably half my age". Ashley shook her head bemused.

"Do you have a boyfriend? I didn't see a ring on your finger so I guess you're not married any kids?"

"Whoa there so many questions at once"

"I'm sorry I shouldn't be so nosy but I am"

"I haven't got kids no, and I'm currently single and yes the absence of the wedding ring does mean I'm not married" Abby leant across the table and Ashley copied her. "Do you think our waiter is single, you know I might ask him for a marriage proposal".

"Yeah he's pretty cute I think he would be a good first husband to have"

"Second"

"Oh! You've been married before?"

"Yeah, but lets not talk about that I want to enjoy my meal"

"Right it's a deal"

Abby lent back in her chair and looked across the table at Ashley. She was a really pretty girl, small and petite a similar build to Abby's. Her face was wise but at the same time had a cheeky expression which reflected which type of mood or conversation she was having.

"Is someone in your family bipolar", Ashley suddenly asked surprising her. Abby paused and opened her mouth to speak but words refused to come out. Ashley saw her hesitation, "It's okay. I'm sorry you don't have to tell me if you don't want to".

"No no its fine, my mum and my little brother. She's been bipolar ever since I was kid. Eric...he was diagnosed with the disease last year, it was a bit of a nightmare because he was such a good kid growing up but I'm gradually coming to terms with it."

Ashley adjusted her positioning on the chair so she was facing Abby. Her eyes thoughtfully looked outside and up to the sky as snowflakes brushed past the window.

She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by the waiter.

"Here we go ladies two Sundan specials, enjoy your meal and don't hesitate to call me if there's a problem". Abby looked up and smiled at him. Eyes of a dark hazel glistened and he winked at her again. Both of them sat in silence for a moment, watching the waiter serve the table next to them, and then began to talk avoiding the topical issue of the bipolar disease.

"Oh my god I'm stuffed that was so needed", Ashley lent back in the chair and rested her hands on her stomach.

"It certainly was! Shall we get the bill unless you want dessert?"

Ashley shook her head and groaned, "No I'm too full!"

The warmth of their building beckoned to them and Ashley ran up the last few steps and huddled her frozen body against the door. Abby rummaged around for her keys and produced them after a moment passed.

"You know you should always have your keys out ready just in case", Ashley told Abby wisely.

"Oh yeah and where might your keys be".

Ashley looked sheepishly at Abby, "Well they re in my bag, but that's different".

"I'm sure it is". Abby finally got the door open and let Ashley inside. They paused at the top of the stairs.

"Listen if you ever have a problem please come get me, and if you need more medication for her come to the hospital okay?" Ashley nodded and after a pause threw her arms around Abby's neck giving her an enormous hug.

"Thanks Abby, I really appreciate it".


	3. What kinda name is Bud?

A bang at the door, followed by a yell out for help was what woke Abby, she opened her eyes and grabbed her turtleneck jumper which lay on the dresser.

"I'm coming" she muttered half asleep. Her bare feet padded across the wooden floors and out of the corner of the eye she saw her alarm clock flashing 3:37. Abby paused reluctantly at the door fearing that she would open it to a violent and brutal Brian, a fear that had been with her ever since that day.

"Who's there", Abby called out sleepily.

"Abby it's me, its Ashley please can I come in"

Abby opened the door with the chain still on, and briefly seeing that Ashley was alone she let her in. It had been just over a week since they had had a meal together and Abby hadn't heard from her since. Ashley pushed past Abby and strode into her living room, her whole body was trembling in anger. It wasn't until Abby turned on the lampshade that she saw the state of Ashley's face. It was tear-streaked and puffy but worst of all her left eye was swollen and her cheek had turned a shade of purple.

"Ashley what happened?" Abby asked gently, walking cautiously towards her.

"She hit me, the bitch hit me! I can't believe it I'm so angry I didn't even deserve it Abby I honestly didn't."

"I know you didn't"

"She came home with some creep that she met in a bar with her psycho friends. Bud I think his name was, what kinda name is Bud?" Ashley stopped and saw that Abby was in her pyjama bottoms, she groaned, "Abby I'm so sorry I shouldn't of come here I just needed to get out and I didn't know where else to go". Ashley gulped and tried to hold back her tears. Abby approached her and pushed her in the direction of the bathroom.

"Come on let me sort your eye out"

Abby sat her down on the toilet seat and rummaged around in the bathroom cupboard.

"I'm just going to get some ice to stop your face from swelling". She left Ashley sitting in the bathroom and retrieved a pack of ice from her freezer. Seeing that Ashley was trying her best to hold back the tears, Abby made a comment that related as much to her as it did to Ashley.

"You know its okay to cry it front of me"

With that Ashley let out a large uncontrollable sob and her whole body began to shake as she put her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry", she gulped in between her sobs, "I didn't know where else to go".

"Ssh, Ssh", Abby soothed rubbing her hand across Ashley's back, "here sit up for a minute let me take a look at you". Ashley sat up slowly and rubbed her good eye with the back of her hand.

"Here we go, keep this pressed against your face ok?" Abby handed her the ice pack and stood up taking a backward glance into the living room.

"Does she know you're here?"

Ashley shook her head and winced from the sharp pain that shot up the left side of her face.

"I know, this might not sound appealing but I think you should phone to tell her that you're safe and where you are"

"No", Ashley said flatly.

"Ashley she'll be worried if you stormed out like that after a fight".

"Let her worry", Ashley muttered quietly but forcefully.

Abby looked down at her realising that she was not going to win this argument.

Ashley looked back up and Abby realised that they shared the same stubborn streak she had at that age when someone had tried to tell her what was best.

"Okay Ashley do you want to stay here tonight?"

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I can keep an eye on you, but I think a visit to the hospital can go a miss I'll check how you're doing in the morning". Ashley yawned and handed the ice bag back to Abby.

"Yeah I'll be fine, feel better already. Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yes"

"What time are you on?"

"I'm on at seven", Abby smiled and glanced at her watch.

"In the morning! Oh my god Abby I'm so sorry"

"It's okay, I've had less sleep. Do you need to borrow something to sleep in? I've got a spare room for you but it's quite small".

Ashley stood up, "yeah a t-shirt or something would be great and I don't mind how small it is just so long it has a bed", a smile crept across Ashley's face and she followed Abby closely through to the room.

"I'll just go get a t-shirt for you"

Abby walked through to her bedroom and rummaged around in her wardrobe for something suitable. When re-entering Ashley's room she saw that she was flat out on the bed fast asleep. Abby paused and looked down at her, feeling a sense of sympathy, she took off Ashley's sneakers and lay them down on the floor beside the bed. Abby gently pushed Ashley's fringe away from her eye, and left the room quietly. Climbing back into bed, Abby lent her head against the back board.

Thoughts swarmed Abby's mind and she gradually dozed off to sleep.


	4. Hi Mrs McNeil

"Ashley, Ashley are you awake, sweetie you're gonna have to wake up because I need to go to work". Abby gently shook her arm in an attempt to wake her

"No I'm not getting up".

"Well you're going to have to".

Ashley sat up in bed, her hair was in knots and tangles covering her face and she was pouting angrily at Abby. Abby however couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh so like me, you're not a morning person"

"No"

"Let me look at your face", Abby brushed her hair back, "You have a black eye, sweetie, but it will gradually go. Are you planning to go to school today?"

"No, I think I'll just take the day off".

Seeing Abby's concerned expression Ashley reconciled her by informing that the school would get the social services involved if she went in with a black eye.

"Ok, but don't make a habit of this"

"Oh come on, don't tell me you didn't take a couple of days off when you were younger. Other kids do it for way worse things"

"Yeah but Ashley you can't let her take over your life and if you're missing classes you need to tell your teachers and catch up, don't let her affect your life like this"

"Abby I have a black eye!"

"I know, I know I'm sorry but in future you can't use her as an excuse, it's an illness, a disease! You can both overcome it".

"Well you tell her that then because I never want to see her again"

Abby breathed in deeply a flashback appeared in her mind of her after a bad experience with Maggie sitting in Ashley's position and telling someone that she never wanted to see her own mother ever again.

"Never is a long time believe me you'll have to see her sometime".

"Do you see your mum often?"

"Not really no. I used to get the occasional mad phone call in which I had to go pick her up in some stranded motel or rescue her when she was dangerously off her meds but now she's back on her meds and living a normal life elsewhere. She's happy."

"Yeah I wish my mum lived elsewhere".

"Ashley I need to go to work now what are you going to do"

"Can I stay here for just a bit longer?"

Abby stood up from the bed and gazed out the window.

"Ok you can stay here, just so long you contact your mother and tell her you're safe, Ashley, Ashley hey listen to me ok?" Ashley didn't answer and avoided eye contact.

"I'll leave a spare key for you on the living room cabinet with my work number so phone if you need something ok? Ashley ok?" Ashley nodded at her and lay back down on her bed. Abby sighed and left her apartment.

"Abby come on we've got two criticals, ETA of 5 minutes rolling in and we're full in triage grab a chart", Weaver limped towards Abby, "MORRIS! Get your ass over here and pick up a chart".

"Can I least have a moment to take my jacket off", Abby shook the snow of her hood and glared at Weaver.

"NO!"

Abby groaned, but saw to her delight Carter standing talking to a patient in curtain one. He was in full conversation and his head was bent slightly listening intently to what the elderly man was saying. Both of his hands were holding the stethoscope draped around his neck, to Abby he looked absolutely gorgeous. Coming out of her trance she saw Weaver limping to the door and grabbing a gurney with a small child lying unconsciousness on it. After one last lingering look at Carter she helped Weaver pull the gurney, and gazed down at the child.

"7- year old male in car crash he has lacerations to head and stomach, vitals and BP are low.

"What's his name?" Abby asked the paramedic

"It's Mikey, his father is in the other ambulance"

"Mikey my name is Dr Lockhart can you hear me? Mikey?"

"Pupils are dilated and unresponsive", Weaver lent over the young boy and glanced up at Abby.

"Abby he's crashing", Weaver suddenly yelled alerting Abby.

They worked on the boy for the next 30 minutes, but after CPR Abby finally called it.

"Time of death 7:39", she said with a distinct sadness present in her voice.

"How's the father doing?" Abby asked Haleh

"He's stable Kovach and Lewis are working on him"

"Are their any other family members to contact?"

"Yeah there's a wife and two other children, they re in the family waiting area".

"Abby I'll go up and tell them", Weaver said which relieved Abby as she did not feel like telling the family about the boy's death.

Abby walked towards the main desk, her eyes felt heavy and she was already struggling to keep awake.

"Her stranger", a voice she knew and loved prompted Abby to turn around. Big brown eyes were smiling at her and she couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey Carter, how are you?"

"Well not too bad considering", his voice dropped and he looked down at his feet. Abby tried her very best to be sympathetic but in actual fact she couldn't be happier, Kem had left for good, back to Africa. She hadn't had a proper chance to speak to him since the split and she'd been dying to.

"What time are you off?"

"I just worked the night shift so anytime now and I'll be back on this evening, need to catch up on my sleep", he winked at her and Abby's knees almost buckled beneath her.

"Ok, but we need to catch up soon."

"Definitely, maybe sometime tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure, Carter you know I'm always here if you ever want to talk."

"I know, thanks Abby".

Abby felt she could stand in this spot for ever gazing into his eyes, however the blissful situation was ruined by a voice hollering out her name.

"Abby come on we have 3 majors and 2 minors rolling in, you're not a nurse anymore you have more patients to see now". Abby rolled her eyes and smiled at Carter turning to see Weaver glaring at her angrily.

It was almost one' o clock in the afternoon and Abby leant against the desk, clock watching. Her stomach rumbled reminding her she hadn't had anything to eat all day, just about to go up to the cafeteria she saw a familiar women enter the waiting area. Abby stopped and tilted her head racking her mind to where she had seen this woman before. The lady was in a stressful state and whipped around as if she was searching for someone. Abby caught a familiar look in her face and realised that it was Ashley's mum. Abby ducked down slightly, worried that she was looking for her but it was too late. Sam was working triage, and the women pushed past patients demanding to see Abby.

"Hey Abby, this lady here says you can help her", Sam looked at Abby confused by the woman's shouts and demands.

"Yeah okay I'll speak to her", Abby muttered. She sighed up to the ceiling the women was obviously off her meds and from experience this was going to be a long conversation one that quite frankly she did not want to have.

"Where is she?" The women approached her demanding with both hands on her hips.

"Hi Mrs McNeil", Abby said brightly.


	5. Christmas memories

They stood there, next to admin staring at each other, just waiting for someone to speak.

"Where is Ashley, I know she stayed with you last night", she asked in a calmer state but with a distinct quiver in her voice. Abby shrugged her shoulders slightly she didn't know if Ashley was still at her home. Ashley's mum was dressed in a business suit with a name tag printed across her chest; it read Gillian McNeil in big bold letters. Abby shuddered off a feeling of déjà vu, when Joyce, her neighbour, who was a victim of an abusive marriage had taking refuge in Abby's apartment Brian had come into her work demanding where his wife was. "Always me", Abby thought glumly to herself.

"Gillian, is it? I'm sorry I don't want to interfere with you and your daughter's situation but she came to me last night in a bit of a state and…"

"Oh last night", Gillian almost spat out the words, "She got in a huff because I brought back a man and she started acting like a little brat yelling at me and embarrassing me in front of him".

"So you hit her?" Abby questioned angrily.

Gillian paused and collected herself, "Listen last night shouldn't have happened I'm very sorry about what I did and that's why I want to know where she is so I can apologise and take her home."

"What meds are you taking right now, Prozac?"

"No", Gillian hissed out the word, "My doctor advised me not to take Prozac, but I've calmed down I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be".

"Did Ashley give you the prescription?"

"She did but I'm not taking anything at the moment because I can't work properly, I can't concentrate when I'm on meds."

"You need to stay medicated."

Gillian's eyes flared up at her and Abby suddenly realised that a couple of the nurses were watching their little scene.

"Why don't you go home and I'll come round with her when my shift ends, if she's still at my apartment".

Gillian shook her head, "No you phone her now and tell her that I'm picking her up, what's your apartment number?"

"Go home", Abby said sternly, she wasn't about to give in.

"Hey Abby trauma rolling in I need you and Lewis to take it", for the first time Abby thanked Weaver for demanding her to take a trauma. Abby, relieved, turned away, but to her surprise Gillian grabbed her arm and viciously dug her nails into Abby's skin, "Do not get involved in this you little bitch", she hissed into Abby's ear. Abby yelped out in pain and tried to grab her arm away from the woman's clutch. Gillian shoved Abby away from her and stormed out of the hospital. Abby watched in amaze and cradled her arm as it had started to bleed from the indent of nails.

"Hey Abby come on", Abby turned to see Lewis beckoning at her to help bring in gurneys from the ambulances parked outside.

"I'm coming", Abby groaned.

Abby unlocked her door and entered a dark living room which was lighted slightly by the flickering shadows created by the TV. Ashley was curled up on her settee fast asleep. Abby sighed and pondered on what she should do. After today's incident she felt obliged to take Ashley home back to her mother as she had no business keeping her in her apartment. However what today showed Abby was a different side of the disease, Maggie had never intentionally been that cruel towards Abby or Eric, there had been times where she was violent but Abby knew that she still loved them, however she got the impression that Mrs McNeil felt differently towards Ashley. Abby crashed out on the settee beside Ashley and grabbed the channel changer, flicking absently through the channels, Ashley stirred and opened her eyes.

"Hi", she whispered hoarsely.

"Hi, how are you feeling?"

"Tired, how was your day?"

"I had a visit from your mother"

Ashley groaned and sat up, bringing her knees to her chest she put her head down and avoided eye contact with Abby.

"I'm sorry, she phoned one of my friends at school who knew I was here and demanded to know where I was". The sentence was muffled and Abby sensed she was about to cry again.

"Ashley you need to go home".

"I'm sorry I know I've outstayed my welcome but I'd rather not go home"

"Just go up and speak to her, she knows you're in the building so she'll find you sooner or later"

Ashley stood up slowly, her eye was still puffy and bruised and tears began to roll down her face.

"Will you come with me?"

"I'll come up with you but I'm not coming in or anything I think you need to hear what she says by yourself." Ashley felt torn, she didn't want to leave Abby as she preferred staying here than her own house but she also felt intrusive as she had only known her for a week. Abby stood up and put her arm around Ashley bringing her small body closer to her in an affectionate squeeze. Ashley responded by bursting into tears.

"Hey come on its not that bad!"

"It is that bad!" Ashley gulped between tears, "It's so unfair I wish I had a proper family all I have is her and she isn't even a mother to me! My friends have these fun loving parents and at Christmas time they do all these family things like having Christmas dinner together with relatives over and I wish I had that."

Abby thought for a minute, "One Christmas my mum took off for the day and left me and my little brother alone in the house, I think I was eleven or something and Eric, my brother, still believed in Santa Claus. So I told him that because we had moved house Maggie left us to find Santa and tell him our new address so he wouldn't get lost when delivering the presents." Despite the situation, and even though Abby had a young girl crying on her shoulder Abby burst into a fit of giggles at the scenario. Ashley sniffed and looked surprised at Abby's hysterics.

"I'm sorry, I just remembered that story I shouldn't even be laughing".

"When I was eight, my mum was so off her meds she dressed up as Santa Claus and tried to get up on the roof. However half way up the drain pipe she fell and broke her leg". Ashley sniffed back her tears and giggled.

"She broke her leg! Oh god."

"It could have been worse but the fat suit broke her fall". Abby couldn't control it any longer she burst out laughing and almost doubled over at the thought. Ashley joined in and there they stood uncontrollably laughing in the living-room. After they'd calmed down Abby walked in the direction of the door and beckoned Ashley to follow her.

"Come on it'll be fine".

Ashley reluctantly followed her and they walked up a flight of stairs and along the corridor until reaching Ashley's door.

"I wonder what state she'll be in"

"You're going to have to persuade her to get some more medication to control this, she appeared to be manic at the hospital."

"When isn't she manic" Ashley muttered sarcastically.

The door flew open startling them both, a middle-aged man stood in the doorway with one arm lent against the wall. His eyes wondered over Abby and she felt uncomfortable from his stare. "Hey Gill", he hollered into the apartment. A strong smell of alcohol emerged from his lips and Abby groaned quietly to herself she did not want Ashley to go in if they were both drunk. Gill staggered towards both of them and grabbed Ashley pulling her inwards. Before Abby had a chance to say anything the door was slammed shut in her face.


	6. Back to her old ways

Abby returned to her apartment with tears in her eyes and she didn't let them spill until properly inside with the door locked. Emotions ran through her body, one minute she was uncontrollably laughing and the next she was hysterically crying. Abby sat down on the settee and put her head in her hands, her whole body shook with each sob and there she sat alone. Thoughts and feelings rushed over her body causing Abby to reflect on her own childhood and that of Ashley's. Curling up on the settee, Abby looked around her apartment and saw to her surprise it was immaculate. Ashley had tidied her kitchen, everything was spotless and the floor had been hovered leaving it free of dust. This upset Abby even more, she had a strong motherly sense over Ashley and wanted to protect her from the disease. Feeling annoyed with herself for just leaving Ashley up there, Abby got up to go back but then stopped herself for thinking too rashly. After a couple of minutes went by, Abby decided just to go to bed and think about it in the morning.

Abby woke, she lay in bed for another minute and then finally stepped onto the floor. She felt groggy and tired from lack of sleep. Her answering machine was flashing and Abby pressed the button while flopping out on the settee.

"Hi Abby, it's your mother", Abby groaned and sat up, "No, no, no" she yelled out loud.

"Abby I haven't seen you in a while, my friend Joan you remember her from when you were younger she used to live next door to us, I think you would remember her. Anyway Joan lives in Chicago now and I'm going to stay with her next week so I'll be wanting to meet up if that's okay with you. I know you work and everything but I'm sure I can see you on your day off. I'll phone you tomorrow, I love you Abby". The tone went dead and Abby threw her arms up to the ceiling, "NOOO" Abby yelled she could not deal with this anymore. Glancing down at her watch, Abby remembered she had to be at work in an hour so she quickly grabbed a shower and left to catch the EL.

**Ashley's POV**

**I left my apartment quietly being careful not to wake anyone, they were both still fast asleep in her room. My mind was made up I would leave, leave for good. Throwing my life possessions over my shoulder in a large rucksack I crept along the corridor and down the stair case. Tears formed in my tired and beaten eyes as I did not want to leave but it was not my choice, I had been forced to do this by her refusal not to stay medicated. Last night was such an embarrassment, total humiliation. She just slammed the door in Abby's face. I had turned just in time to see Abby open her mouth to protest. I let myself out of the building and into the bitterly cold night. I desperately wanted that hat Abby had lent me but I had left it in her apartment. In my mind I imagined wearing that hat and sitting in the cosy café with Abby. That was such a fun evening it was the most fun I had had in ages. A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away, telling myself I wasn't going to cry I should be happy. I reached the EL station and huddled against the wall in an attempt to hide my self from the strange looking man by the bins. I grabbed a crumpled bit of paper out from my pocket with an address in it.**

**"28 Wilchester Road, St Paul, Minnesota", I whispered the address out loud to myself. That's where I was heading away from Gillian and Bud away from the disease. A carriage pulled up and I climbed aboard.**

"Hey Abby", she turned around and saw Carter running towards her. Panicking Abby shoved the shopping bag behind her back and attempted to smile at him. They were standing just outside her building, both with a hellish shift behind them, Carter asked if she wanted to go get something to eat.

"Yeah sure", Abby was hesitant. He sensed her hesitancy.

"Sorry is this a bad time".

"No, I'm just really tired, but give me a minute I'll go dump this shopping up stairs"

"Here I'll help you". Carter grabbed the bag out of her hands before she had a chance to say anything. Abby watched as his face dropped after hearing the clink of bottles in his grasp. He bent his head and examined the contents of her shopping bag.

"Carter…" she started.

"How long have you been drinking", he asked her coolly.

"It's not what you think…I've been sober for ages. I-I just had a really bad week".

"Care to talk about it? I mean I've had a crappy week as well Abby, my girlfriend left because our son died and now someone who I care about is back to her old ways of getting drunk."

"Carter, I'm not a drunk! I'm sober now, it's just a couple of beers".

"A couple of beers which lead to a couple more and then why stop Abby? Forget dinner I've suddenly lost my appetite", with that Carter shoved the bag back into her arms and turned away from her avoiding eye contact.

"CARTER!" she yelled back up the street.


	7. I hope she's okay

Abby let herself into the building and without looking where she was going walked straight into someone standing with their back towards the door.

"Ohh", Abby stepped backwards slightly, "Sorry I didn't see you there."

The figure turned around and Abby tried once again to go up to her apartment.

"Hey what's the rush?" the voice sent chills up Abby's spine and she gazed up to look at who was speaking. Bud looked back down at her, his eyes were squinted slightly and he staggered towards her. Abby retreated backwards and held up her hands protectively.

"I'm going to take a wild guess here, you appear to be drunk and I think you should just let me get by"

"That bitch Gill threw me out." He grumbled taking a swig out of his bottle, "Her daughter has run away so she wasn't very sympathetic when I came home tonight".

Abby's face turned to concern, run away she thought to herself. Abby felt responsible and immediately worried for her safety. Bud licked his lips and reached over to brush his hand over Abby's face.

"Hey what do you think you're doing?" Abby yelled out stubbornly.

"Come on", he pleaded with her moving his body closer.

"No don't even think about it",

Bud grinned as if it was a game and suddenly lunged towards her grabbing her tiny waist in his rather strong vicious hands. Abby yelled out in surprise, squirming in his grip she lifted her shopping bag and smacked him over the head with it. The bottles smashed in the impact and he staggered backwards rolling his eyes up to the ceiling.

"You little bitch", he muttered.

Abby didn't give him a chance to say anything more, she took off up the stairs taking them two at a time. Fumbling to find her front door keys at the door, she stamped her foot impatiently remembering Ashley's wise words.

"Come on, come on", Abby found them but in her hastiness they fell to the floor. She bent down to pick them up, but yelled out in pain when a heavy shoe stamped down crushing her fingers. A hand tugged on her hair pulling her up with no remorse. Abby pulled on the hand trying to release it from the pain he was causing her but it was stubborn. She screamed out for help but his thick hand clamped down over her mouth. Only muffled noises were heard and he took the keys and unlocked her door…

Maggie sat on the train carriage rocking back and forwards every now and then as the rail track caused the carriage to jerk. She was heavily engrossed in her knitting humming away an Elvis song to herself.

"Caught in a trap….da da…I can't walk out…" Maggie wrapped the wool over one the needles.

"We can't go on together", Maggie sung louder and started receiving some strange looks from other passengers. Unaware Maggie carried on but was interrupted when hearing someone cry softly in the corner of the carriage. Shuffling over in her seat Maggie glanced across to see a young girl sitting alone. Maggie looked up and down the carriage to see if anyone was with her but she appeared to be by herself. The girl lifted one of her hands and rubbed her eyes, but as she started to cry Maggie decided to go and speak to her. Cautiously Maggie approached her and bent down to her level.

"Hello Dear are you okay?" She looked up at Maggie and nodded her head as she had not intended to draw attention to herself. Not waiting to be asked, Maggie sat down next to her.

"Are you by yourself?"

"Yes"

"I'm heading to Chicago to see my daughter, she lives there she's a doctor now." Maggie tilted her head waiting for the girl to tell her where she was going. After an overlong silence Maggie asked her why she was going to Chicago.

"Uhh I l-live in Chicago I've just been away for a couple of days"

"Oh that's nice where you just visiting some one in Minnesota?" The girl nodded slowly and tears welled up in her eyes.

"My name's Maggie, dear what's yours?"

"Ashley", she whispered.

"Ashley I don't know why you're upset and I suppose it's none of my business but you seem to be a bit young to of been away by yourself."

"I've basically taken care of myself all my life so believe me I'm not that young despite how I look." Maggie lent back in her seat and made up her mind that she would sit here and keep Ashley company.

"You know you're quite like my daughter, if ever asked that she would probably say something similar. I wasn't a very good mother, she would tell you that she took care of herself all her life".

"Yeah? I suppose we do sound similar my mother has hardly been there for me either."

"Where's your father?"

"My father's an asshole", Ashley said defiantly causing Maggie to laugh slightly.

"Aww, sweetie." Maggie rubbed Ashley's arm gently, "My husband, Abby's father was an asshole as well, most men are you must always remember that".

"Hey your daughter's name is Abby?" Ashley questioned

"Yes dear it is"

"What's your surname may I ask"

"Wyczenski"

"Ohh", Ashley sat back down on her seat disappointed, "I was thinking she was someone else".

"So why's your father such an asshole?"

Ashley's trip in Minnesota flashed before her eyes causing her to wince at how terrible the trip had been. The address she had kept for ages, found it in her mother's drawer a while back, it was the last known address of her father's. After knocking on the door, after a long tedious journey, a youngish pretty woman had answered with a beautiful little baby in her arms. Her eyes narrowed at Ashley after discovering who she was. When her father came to the door, Ashley had tried to give him a hug but he was very cool with her and demanded to know what she was doing here. Hurt and flustered Ashley ran away from their perfect little house hoping he would follow…he didn't. Without realising what she was doing Ashley found herself telling Maggie all this and she sympathetically listened intently.

The train pulled up in Chicago and they stepped onto the platform. Maggie looked up and down hoping Abby might be there to meet her off the train.

"I'm just going to phone Abby to see where she is." Ashley stood awkwardly by her side.

"Hey maybe we could give you a lift somewhere, are you going home?"

Maggie started to ask her again, but was interrupted when Abby's cell phone went onto the answering machine.

"Ohh she's not around, I hope she's okay?" Maggie said concerned.


	8. Boyfriend, mother and Ashley

Abby was released from his grip and thrown brutally down on the floor. She scrambled onto her feet and turned defensively towards him backing into her kitchen. He approached her slowly with his hands stretched out, a delicious smile devouring his face. Suddenly Abby surprised him by kicking out hitting him right where for any man it was the most sensitive part of the body. He doubled over and winced from the pain. Sensing she had time Abby grabbed a kitchen knife and held it out towards him in a threatening way.

"Get out", Abby's voice was defiant and forceful.

Bud slowly resumed his position and lifted his hand up to the back of his head. When his fingers touched the moist blood patch on his head he grimaced in remembrance of the bottle smashing incident. Abby lowered the knife slightly when she saw him stagger backwards. The blood dripped onto her floor and he ducked his head swaying from side to side. Bud suddenly dropped to the floor on his knees and became still. Breathing a quick sigh of relief, Abby felt the need to walk over and stab him with the knife but her conscience prevented her from doing so. She tiptoed past him and grabbed the phone from her hook. Quickly tapping in numbers, her fingers were trained to do so she knew the number off by heart. Ringing tone…nothing…beep…beep…nothing.

"Come on, come on pick up please", she pleaded to no one.

"Hi John Carter speaking"

"John, great you picked up. Listen its Abby", Abby paused and groaned when nothing was said. Even in the silence she could here him thinking, she could here him saying oh Abby why are you calling me, Abby Lockhart the drunk.

"John please can you come over", Abby pleaded with him and broke down into tears.

"Abby what's wrong?"

"John I'm scared, I-I don't know what to do will you meet me."

"Okay I'm not far away I was just out walking around your area I'll be as quick as I can".

Abby nodded and pushed her hand over her forehead relieving it from her fringe. She hung up the phone and fearfully looked down at the man on her living room floor. Tapping in the number for emergency services, her actions where interrupted by a knock at the door.

"John", she exclaimed rushing over to unlock the door. Abby flew open the door and saw to her surprise that Maggie and Ashley were standing before her.

"Maggie, Ashley…what-what's going on?" Ashley looked past Abby and saw to her horror Bud lying on her floor.

"Oh my god is that Bud?" she exclaimed her face expressing one of confusion and horror. Maggie stepped in with Ashley shutting the door behind her.

"Oh dear is he okay? Abby what did you do, we need to call an ambulance he's hurt." Maggie bent down, however Abby hauled her back up and grabbed her keys off her table.

"Come on, we're going to meet John we'll just leave him here. I'm not staying here even if he…" Abby screamed out in horror as something harsh latched onto her ankle. A forceful hand pulled her over and Ashley screamed when Bud pulled himself into a standing position.

"What are you doing Bud get out of here", Ashley shrieked pushing him in the direction of the door. He retaliated by shoving her into the wall, catching her off guard she smacked her head off Abby's table and crumpled onto the floor. Maggie stood still absolutely shocked by the man's actions.

"The two of you get over there beside Ashley!" His voice was gruff and groggy.

Abby crawled over beside Ashley and saw her curled up sobbing quietly.

"Ashley are you okay?" Abby whispered. Maggie stood still beside the door her mouth was open slightly and she watched the man.

"Get over there lady"

"Mom come over here" Abby called out to her with her arm protectively around Ashley. She was huddled close to her with her head ducked down avoiding Bud's eye contact. Maggie slowly walked over but turned around and spoke to Bud.

"Please just leave, what's wrong with you? Why are you here?"

Bud sighed deeply infuriated by Maggie's questions, "Just go over there or you'll regret it". Maggie opened her mouth to speak again but decided against it.

Meanwhile Carter was let into Abby's building by a friendly neighbour who had been out shopping. He took the stairs two at a time, Abby's phone call for help frightened Carter and all he wanted to do was make sure she was ok. Carter reached her closed door and lifted his hand to bang on the door when something stopped him. He pressed his ear to the door hearing a man's gruff voice yell out something, lifting his hand again he was prevented from doing so when he heard a female voice scream out for help.

"Abby" he whispered.

Carter turned around and used his mobile to phone the police. He couldn't just stand there though, he wanted to know what was going on if Abby was hurt or not. His heart longed out for her and all he wanted was to have her in his arms. Against Carter's judgement he banged on the door and waited for the reply. Silence. After a moment passed Abby's voice called out "Who's there?" it sounded forced and put on.

"Abby it's John what's going on?"

"J-John I'm fine sorry about the phone call everything's ok you can just leave."

"Abby who's in there with you? Abby, Abby, Abby answer me."

Carter stood back and extended his leg kicking out at the door. He tried again with every last effort and the door dropped to the ground. Bud stood in the living room floor with the knife poised dangerously in his hand.

"Who the hell are you" he barked at Carter, "Is this your boyfriend? Nice little family you got going there mother, boyfriend and Ashley except Ashley doesn't belong to you you're not her mother!" Ashley remained passive in this outburst her head was buried in Abby's lap and she was gripping on tightly to her hand. "All Gill kept going on about was that stupid child for the last week, it wasn't fun between us anymore you know not like before". Carter moved slowly towards the three women crouched down beside the table.

"Whoa there pal! Where do you think you're going?" Carter stopped in his tracks but remained eye contact with Abby. She mouthed to him "call the police" and he nodded slightly telling her he had.

"What's your name?"

"It's Carter, what's yours?"

"Carter huh funny name that is, my names Bud well that's my nickname my real name is Johno but for some reason I've been called Bud for all my life".

Bud moved over to the door and shook his head slightly "look Abby, look what your boyfriend has done to your door." He whipped around with the knife still poised gesturing it towards the four of them.

"Okay you lot get into the bedroom. NOW!"

Abby pulled Ashley up gently keeping tight hold of her hands and Maggie followed suit. They all moved over slowly to Abby's bedroom, but were interrupted when Bud suddenly called out in surprise. Three police cops emerged from the corridor and pounded on Bud wrestling him to the ground. They all watched in awe and Carter's face turned to horror as Bud kicked off all the police cops and scrambled in the direction of Ashley. His knife was outstretched and every thing became slow motion when he approached Abby and Ashley. Ashley hid her face and screamed out. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO".


	9. you're a sweet girl

Carter sprung himself onto the lunatic and tackled him to the ground. They wrestled for a moment the knife still alert and dangerous in Bud's hand. A police cop rushed over and peeled the knife from his tight grip. Abby stood still, but bent down to Carter when Bud was hauled away from him.

"Carter" she whispered tears brimming her alert eyes. With the help of her arm, Carter pulled himself up wincing from the pain emerging from his side.

"Are you alright?" Abby was immediately by his side her arm rested around his body. They dragged Bud out of her apartment kicking and screaming. Ashley stood motionless by Abby's door watching Abby and Carter together, Maggie had her hands across her face and was muttering quietly under her breath. Abby cupped Carter's face with her hand so he was looking down at her.

"Carter are you alright?" He nodded slowly with a faint smile spreading across his face. An officer coughed after re-entering the apartment.

"Is everyone alright in here?" They all turned to look at him and Ashley suddenly fled out of Abby's apartment pushing past the man. Maggie went to go after her but Abby stopped her. "Mom just leave it, its okay I'll go after her".

Abby stood outside turning her head both ways, however there was no sign of her. Making a quick decision Abby ran down her stairs and found Ashley at the bottom talking to a police officer. Ashley's eyes caught Abby's and she turned away. The officer touched Ashley's arm and gave it a small squeeze and then left Abby's building.

Abby slowly walked down the last couple of stairs her eyes focused on Ashley.

"They've been searching for me, my mum's been going mad."

"Is she upstairs?"

"She's speaking to an officer outside I have to go see her."

Abby nodded her head and gazed back up the stairs. Suddenly Gill barged through the doors; her face was tear-streaked and she caught sight of Abby and Ashley together.

"Ashley, where have you been?" She threw her arms around Ashley's neck pulling her into a tight embrace. Ashley stood rigid not responding to her mum's sign of affection.

"Mum you're hurting me" Ashley's voice sounded cool and distant. Gill let go of her and held her out at arm's length.

"Oh so you're not speaking to me, because of all this."

"Well it was your fault", she muttered stubbornly. Gill looked taken aback by her comment and looked suspiciously across at Abby. Abby suddenly felt uncomfortable and turned to go back upstairs.

"Abby you're going?" Ashley pleaded into her eyes and Abby nodded her head again not wanting to be involved. Carter poked his head around the corner.

"Abby?"

"Yeah" Abby walked up the stairs. Their eyes met and Abby immediately fell into his arms. They stood like that for a moment, Carter gently stroking her hair and soothing into her ear. Abby broke free when Maggie emerged from her apartment.

"Abby I'm meant to be at Joan's tonight, do you want to come as well I'm not sure if I want you to be alone". Abby sighed in deeply against Carter's chest, he felt her body move and laid his arm on her shoulder.

"Abby do you want me to stay tonight or do you want to come over to mine?" She looked over to her apartment.

"I haven't got a door" she said giggling slightly.

"I'll fix it for you" Carter replied sheepishly. Abby lent against the wall her eyes felt weary and she was emotionally exhausted from the night's event. He looked over concerned and their eyes met again. Abby secretly thanked him for saving her life, she couldn't bring herself to say it aloud. He seemed to acknowledge her thanks and ducked his head down giving her that look she couldn't resist.

"Abby", a voice came from behind her and she turned to see Ashley and Gill. Maggie's eyes fell on Gill and she nodded politely at her. Gill however coldly ignored the gesture and placed her hand firmly on Ashley's back guiding her up the next flight of stairs. Abby heard her protest loudly and after a moment return into her sight alone.

"Abby are you okay I'm so sorry"

"Hey don't worry about it. It's not your fault remember"

"What are you going to do tonight? The officer said they're taking Bud into custody so he won't be allowed out, at least not for tonight."

Abby groaned remembering the fear which remained when Brian had been taken into custody but had returned bringing with him all the memories of her attack.

"Abby let me stay tonight" Carter pleaded with her and Abby found herself agreeing almost immediately.

"Maggie do you need a ride, why don't I drop you off and then come back. Abby will you be ok?"

"Sure, yeah ok. Mum I'll see you some time soon. Tonight's been a bit of a nightmare not really what I was expecting."

Maggie walked over to give her a hug but sensing Abby would be her usual self and back away she decided against it. Instead she went over and pulled Ashley into a hug which caught them all be surprise.

"You're a sweet girl, just keep being yourself and remember there's always help if you need it." Abby was totally taken aback by Maggie's words, it seemed as if she was apologising on behalf of Gill and perhaps herself. Carter lifted the door off the floor and propped it up unsuccessfully as it fell back down.

"I might know of someone who could come fix this. I'll see if I can get a hold of them. Maybe you should come with us".

"No its fine I'm not leaving my apartment wide open. I'll stay here and wait."

Carter ducked his head down and brought his eyes up slowly to meet with Abby's.

"Ok I'll be as quick as I can there's still officers outside if you need anything." Ashley slid over beside Abby and stood at her side. They watched Maggie and Carter leave and at the bottom of the stairs Maggie turned and blew them both a kiss.

"You're mums so normal."

"Yeah you've only known her for 10 minutes." They shared a secret smile both rocking against the wall.

"Did he hurt you?" Ashley questioned a look of dread spreading across her face.

"What?"

"Bud did he hurt you?"

"No he didn't. I think he was just a too drunk and stupid to know what he was doing."

"No he was just like that." Ashley said harshly prompting Abby to look at her closely.

"Did he ever hurt you or your mum?"

"He hurt her occasionally, but she liked it. Or she just didn't make him leave for the fear of being alone once again. One or the other."

"Ashley did he ever hurt you."

"He tried to that night you took me back upstairs, that's why I left to stop him from hurting me." Ashley suddenly jerked her body around and looked fearfully up to the ceiling.

"Abby something's wrong, I shouldn't have left her alone."

"What?" Abby was totally confused but followed her quickly when she fled up the next flight of stairs and along to her apartment. Ashley started pounding on her door a look of fear and guilt became evident on her face.

"Abby I totally forgot please we need to get in."

Abby grabbed both of her arms and tried to calm her down.

"You forgot what? Ashley what's wrong why are you panicking?"

Trying to catch her breath, Ashley began shaking her head, "Last-Last time when something went wrong with-with an old boyfriend she took an over-dose of sleeping pills." Abby's face fell in remembrance of her own mother's suicidal attempts.

"Mrs Granger, Mrs Granger are you in?" Ashley banged on the door opposite. An old lady opened it with a look of disgust evident on her face.

"Quit the racket child, you'll wake up Ernie."

"Please Mrs Granger I need our spare keys." She paused and looked past Ashley to where Abby stood.

"Who are you?"

"Mrs Granger please do you have my keys it's an emergency." Tutting away to herself, she bent down behind her door and retrieved a key on a golden chain. Ashley grabbed the key from her hand, the forcefulness of her action almost causing her to topple over.

"Where's your manners child?"

With trembling hands, Ashley managed to get the door open. They entered the apartment and Ashley let out a terrifying scream followed by a loud sob.


	10. alone in the world

Abby rolled the gurney off the ambulance to be met at the door by Weaver and Luka.

"39 year-old female taken an overdose of Litho hydro mine 25mg, all the pills were absent at the scene so she's consumed 900mg".

Ashley jumped down, and followed them inside. Her eyes were streaming with tears and she felt an enormous sense of guilt and responsibility for her mother's suicide attempt.

"Chuny pull an intubations kit, get a vent, MG and charcoal", Abby yelled across to Chuny prompting a lot of staff to turn and watch them all enter.

"What size ET?" Chuny called.

"Seven and half". Gill lay motionless on the gurney, her eyelids were fluttering slightly but she failed to respond to any questions.

"Pulse is one-thirty" said a nurse.

"Rasps are shallow, but I think her airway is clear."

Ashley followed them into the trauma room; she stood still beside the door watching the events unfold.

"Abby", she called out her voice quivering.

"Ashley I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside. I promise to come find you when I have some news ok?"

Ashley nodded her head and left the trauma room peering back over her shoulder.

"CBC chem. 20, blood and urine tox screen"

"She's got no gag reflex."

Suddenly Gill's pressure dropped, a flat beeping sound echoed throughout the room.

"Abby we're losing her" yelled out Weaver

"She's in v-tack charge the portable panels" Abby grabbed the panels, and breathed in deeply.

"Come on Gill" she whispered under her breath.

Charge to 200"

"Clear"

"Charge to 300 we can get her back"

"Pressure's down to ninety after two litres."

"Pulse Ox is dropping check the O2"

"Still Fib"

"Pulse Ox down to seventy-two"

"Clear" Abby called again her voice was desperate and hopeful.

"A-systole"

"No capture, no pulse"

Everyone in the room paused in what they were doing and turned their gaze at Abby. She let the panels drop to her side and didn't take her eyes off the lifeless body lying before her.

"Time of death 22:37".

Abby just stood still, staring down at Gill's face. She caught a glimpse of Maggie and her eyes filled up with tears.

"Abby are you alright?" Weaver touched Abby's arm gingerly.

"Yeah, this has just been a really bad night" Abby's voice quivered, and she tried to hold her composure.

"The girl, is there any family members we can contact?" Luka asked in his deep Croatian accent sounding concerned.

"I need to go speak to her."

"Abby do I need to get someone down from upstairs?"

Abby shook her head, "No give me a minute I'll go speak to her and sort something out."

She stepped out of the trauma room and kept totally focussed on what she was going to say to Ashley, ignoring the constant yell of doctor from pleading patients. Abby felt guilty, even though it wasn't her fault, she had seen Gill go up to her apartment in a manic state but hadn't thought to go after her. Abby paused outside the family waiting room and glanced in fearfully. Ashley was sitting all by herself nervously fidgeting on a plastic grey chair.

"Hey Ash", Abby's voice called out to her waking her from her trance. She approached her and sat down on a chair, with her body tilted slightly so that she was facing Ashley. Abby sensed she knew the truth as she remained quiet and her face emotionless. Ashley kept her eyes firmly on her shoes and started pulling on a loose thread attached to her jacket.

"Your mother came in with an overdose of 900mg; we worked on her for as long as we could…" Ashley wound the thread tighter round her little finger, pulling harder on it causing more thread to come loose from her jacket.

"Ashley I'm really sorry" Abby put her hand on Ashley's knee and gave it a little squeeze.

"Ashley…" She heard a loud rip as the thread pulling caused a huge hole to emerge from the jacket.

"I ripped my jacket" Ashley started to panic, her eyes fearfully darting across the hole.

"Ashley, do you understand?"

The door opened startling them both, and they turned to see a young man standing awkwardly in the darkened doorway. Abby recognised him almost immediately, he was the man they sent for when children parents had died and they had to be taken into care. Ashley lent forward to look past Abby and then sat back down in her seat. Abby wanted this man to leave and she told him so.

"I was called down by Dr Weaver" he said in protest.

"And now I'm telling you to go back up, you can come down when we're ready".

He glared across at her and left slamming the door behind him. Abby closed her eyes and reopened them to see that Ashley had left her side and was standing beside the window staring out into the Chicago night.

"What's going to happen now?"

"Do you have any other family members in Chicago?"

"No"

"What about your father? Is there any way we can contact him?"

"My father doesn't want me"

"Ashley, we still need to phone him maybe he could come to the hospital an..."

Ashley spun around, "Abby my father doesn't want me! I don't have any other family members it's just me." She raised her voice into an awkward shout and glared across at Abby. Abby gently rose off the chair and walked over to the window. They both stared out watching the world go by and Ashley edged across so she was closer to Abby.

"Is she really gone?" her voice came out in a soft whisper.

"I'm sorry Ashley, your mum passed away".

Ashley ducked her head down, and the tears began to fall first slow than gradually as she realised she was now alone in the world.

"I should have been watching her" Ashley wailed her clenched fist banged against the window. She turned her back against the world and slid down the wall eventually ending up on the floor.

"Hey there was no way you could have watched her 24-7, none of this was your fault."

"It was my fault, we-we had a fight on the stairs and I just walked away from her" Ashley wails grew louder and she put her head into her hands gulping for air. Abby gently stroked the top of her head and sat down on the floor beside her.

"What am I gonna do? Will they put me into care because I won't go, I won't go" Abby looked across at the door and saw that he was still standing there peering in. She sighed in deeply, "Ashley do you want to come say goodbye".


	11. on the roof

They slipped out the door and past the man being careful not to catch his attention as he was talking to another patient. Ashley kept her head down and followed Abby through to the trauma room. Luka looked up on their arrival and gave a sympathetic smile.

"Ashley do you need a minute?"

Ashley peered over her mum's lifeless body with tubes probing out of her.

"She looks like she's just sleeping", Ashley whispered and glanced hopefully up at Luka. Luka looked over at Abby and cleared his throat.

"We'll just wait outside. Come out when you're ready you can take as long as you want."

Ashley shook her head, "No I'm not staying in here by myself! She's dead, it's a dead body" Ashley's voice trailed off and she looked for one last time and turned to leave.

"Ashley!" Abby called after her but it was no use.

"Ahh Nightmare!" Abby lifted her hand to her forehead and rubbed at her eyes.

"Have you spoken to the husband?"

"She's not married but her father is alive I think."

"Will he be able to come get her tonight?"

"I don't know"

They left the trauma room and walked along the corridor towards the admin desk.

"Hey Abby, Abby!" Carter emerged through the doors a panic stricken expression was evident on his face.

"I heard what happened. You weren't there when I came back so I phoned the hospital and they said you came in with a patient." Carter shook the snow off his coat and draped it over the desk.

"Was it Ashley is she ok?

"No it was Gill, her mother"

"What happened she seemed fine at the apartment."

"She took an overdose of sleeping pills"

Carter's face fell in remembrance of Maggie's episode with the sleeping pills.

"Oh god, is she stable did you get her back?"

"No", Abby threw her head up to the ceiling."

"Where's Ashley?"

"What?"

"Ashley where is she?"

"She's uhhm…I don't know she went off somewhere. Listen Carter can you do me a huge favour?"

"Sure what do you need?"

"I'm on in a couple of hours, but I need to hang around. Can you maybe try and get hold of your friend about my door."

"Yeah I'll see what I can do"

"And about earlier", her voice trailed off when Carter looked confused as the night's events hadcaused him to forget about the alcohol.

"Carter I…I" Abby's voice trailed off again as she stuttered through her words.

"Abby let's not do this now, we'll talk later."

Abby nodded her head in agreement and turned away from him. Her eyes searched the waiting room for Ashley but she was no where to be soon.

"Hey Abby can you see a patient in curtain one they're complaining of stomach cramps and severe headaches."

"I'm not on"

"Why are you here" said Chuny frustrated.

"Long story, but I'm not on till 5. Get Susan or Kovach"

"They're caught up in a trauma. Hit and run involving a young family"

"Well tell the patient they can wait till a doctor can see them."

"Fine"

Abby exasperated searched the family waiting room but Ashley was still nowhere to be seen. The female toilets were her next stop and she heard someone crying in the cubicle.

"Ashley its Abby are you alright in there?" Ashley emerged from the toilets and flung her arms around Abby's neck. She cried softly into Abby's neckline.

"Abby what am I going to do?"

"Do you want to come somewhere with me", Ashley looked up and nodded her head slowly.

"Are you warm enough, where's your jacket?"

"It's through in that waiting area."

"Ok come on I want to show you something."

They left the ER and climbed the flight of stairs passing through each of the different wards in the hospital. Abby pushed open the door of the roof and let Ashley out first.

"Should I be up here?" Ashley yelled over the wind.

"Probably not" Abby took her hand and led her over to the bench.

They sat for a moment in silence staring out into the night and sirens in the distance.

"It's so beautiful up here"

"I know, it's one of my favourite places. I used to come up here to smoke or mourn over the loss of a patient or…" Abby started laughing, "Actually my boyfriend proposed to me up here"

"Really! Wow that's so romantic"

"Is it?"

"Yeah if it's one of your favourite places"

"I don't think he planned to do it, it was very spontaneous and he was caught in the moment."

"What did you say?"

"I didn't really say anything. Then he backed out of doing in properly."

"Did you love him?"

Abby turned to her and nodded her head thoughtfully.

"Was it Carter?"

"Yes it was, how did you know?"

"He still likes you?"

"What! No he doesn't"

"He does I can tell"

Abby laughed and shook her head.

"You would make great parents" Ashley's voice quivered and she closed her eyes.

"I could live by myself couldn't I?"

"It's against the law until you're sixteen."

"That's only a few years. What if I live in my house at the moment and I have a legal guardian who lives nearby" Ashley's voice sounded hopeful.

"No sweetie it wouldn't be allowed. You would be put in care."

"But I don't want to leave all my friends and my house" Ashley whined.

"Why don't you phone your father?"

"I saw my father, that's where I ran away to. He has a new family now and doesn't want me." Abby sympathetically took her hand.

"I'm very independent!" Ashley stated.

"I know you are. What if something happened though, if there was an emergency you can' be by yourself all the time."

"If there was an emergency I would phone you."

"Ashley I work! I'm unreliable you won't be able to phone me."

"Please Abby I don't want to leave."

"I'm not the only one who will prevent you from living by yourself; the state government won't allow it."

Ashley's lip trembled and she snuggled closer to Abby.

"I'm cold now"

"Shall we go back inside?"

"No I want to stay here."

Abby gently stroked the top of her head and gazed up to the starry sky.

"Ashley I'm sorry you can't stay with me."

"I wouldn't be a bother."

"I'm sorry but I couldn't be your guardian. I work so many hours I would never be in."

Ashley stood up suddenly, "that's fine I wouldn't want to live with you anyway." Her voice drifted away with the wind and she turned her back on Abby and ran back inside. A lonely tear trickled down Abby's face and she sat alone.


End file.
